The most popular post on our website over the last year (far and away), was our list of the Worst Christian Book Covers of 2012.
So, we are planning to run a list again this year, but we need your help to make this year’s list better and even funnier!
PRIZES!!!
We have a box of 50+ books that we have received for review or that our editor Chris Smith has culled from his own library. (Lots of great stuff! CLICK HERE for the list…).
We will pick a winner from your submissions and he/she will get to choose 5 books from that list (could be valued at $100+ depending on the books chosen). A second-place winner will get to choose 3 books, and a third place winner will get to choose one book.
So, here’s how this will work….
1) PREPARE:
Take a look at last year’s list for inspiration, then go here to start searching for bad covers.
(LGT: Amazon’s list Christian books released in 2013)
GUIDELINES:
– Kindle and Print books are both eligible, though will we limit the number of Kindle ebooks on our final list
– We are the final arbiters of whether any book is “Christian” or not (Generally, if it is in Amazon’s Christian book section, we’ll accept it).
2) SUBMIT:
Using the comments below, here’s what you need to submit:
a) You will get bonus points if you share the link to this contest. Tell us where you shared it: Twitter, Facebook, Blog, etc.
b) Include a link to Amazon or elsewhere which has a large-ish picture of the cover.
c) Include a BRIEF comment on why you choose this cover (the funnier/snarkier, the better).
d) (OPTIONAL) You can actually include a picture in your comment, by clicking the icon in the bottom left corner. This might help your entry get more votes.
*** You are welcome to submit as many entries as you want, but submit each one as a separate comment.
3) VOTE:
Using the up and down arrows on DISQUS, tell us which submissions you like and don’t like (You can only vote once up or down for any submission).
Your votes will play an essential role (but not the only role) in our choosing the winner.
The contest will run for 12 days,
and end on MONDAY NOVEMBER 4, 2013 at 11PM PT…
Here are a couple of examples of possible worst Christian book covers from this year (these are not contest entries)…
Surely you can find better ones!
| [easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B00F3FNRAC” locale=”us” height=”333″ src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Y6NgVu7KL.jpg” width=”222″]Hmmm… I’m guessing that stabbing is probably not on this list. | [easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B00DGSCNGM” locale=”us” height=”333″ src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41Tmm4NH-sL.jpg” width=”222″]And what exactly makes this cupcake Christian? The lily-white icing? |
C. Christopher Smith is the founding editor of The Englewood Review of Books. He is also author of a number of books, including most recently How the Body of Christ Talks: Recovering the Practice of Conversation in the Church (Brazos Press, 2019). Connect with him online at: C-Christopher-Smith.com
 Reading for the Common Good From ERB Editor Christopher Smith "This book will inspire, motivate and challenge anyone who cares a whit about the written word, the world of ideas, the shape of our communities and the life of the church." -Karen Swallow Prior Enter your email below to sign up for our weekly newsletter & download your FREE copy of this ebook! |
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So many choices! It’s hard to pick–especially from the plethora of Amish romances–but I have settled on this one because of the extra-bad Photoshopping. The original model was not wearing that outfit–her head has been glued to the dress and the bonnet stuck on her head by software magic. Plus the bonnet has magical sparkle power!
The giant ‘bestseller’ seal and the generic title font do not help.
http://www.amazon.com/Lancaster-Hearts-Out-Darkness-ebook/dp/B00F9BRVAC/ref=sr_1_35?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382559839&sr=1-35
The artist’s use of perspective is interesting, to say the least. The figure on the left must be Goliath as a child. On the right we have generic Biblical Old Testament figure (Abraham, Moses, etc.) blessing Isaac or Joshua or someone – who knows? But my favorite is the “smooshed” rendition of Adam and Eve at the top – truly a representation of “becoming one flesh” ! http://www.amazon.com/Genesis-Children-Picture-Christian-Bible-ebook/dp/B00FVHU6QK/ref=sr_1_44?ie=UTF8&qid=1383018810&sr=8-44&keywords=christian+books+2013
first Amish gal I’ve seen with make-up on…
Okay, so first on the list, what will someday become a Christian classic next to Pilgrim’s Progress, Mere Christianity, and the Left Behind the Kids series is “Exo-Vaticana: Petrus Romanus, Project LUCIFER, and the Vatican’s Astonishing Exo-Theological Plan for the Arrival of an Alien Savior.” You can order this on kindle, paperback, or if you contact the publisher, can have it beamed directly into your brain. Is this the cover of the new Independence Day sequel? Nope, it’s your new favorite book.
Here’s the amazon link.
http://www.amazon.com/Exo-Vaticana-Romanus-Vaticans-Astonishing-Exo-Theological-ebook/dp/B00CJ0AZ18/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=4OH8HMNHQHH4&coliid=I12L76KEM35NBX
Looks like a poster for a bad Ed Wood Jr. movie.
here is a good little read about love on the battlefield. http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/oversize?sku=260403
And here’s a look at this cover…
After all, Jesus did call the Holy Spirit “the Comforter.”
http://www.amazon.com/Holy-Ghost-Like-Blanket/dp/1462112293/ref=sr_1_497?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382584661&sr=1-497
Thank God, we got the heat in our house fixed tonight, or I might just have needed an extra dose of the Holy Ghost tonight…
Also, wondering if the Holy Ghost spends the summers in a tote in my attic?
Look, there’s faith, then there’s learning why face first into a pool isn’t the best idea in the world.
Kitties and Doggies and Jesus! Sooo Cute, LOL and stuff…
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FSFX1J4/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=4OH8HMNHQHH4&coliid=I2OEGYFZNJ5IQN
For kindle and paperback!
The dog looks like it didn’t make it outside in time.
Seeing Things: A Novel
http://www.amazon.com/Seeing-Things-Novel-Patti-Hill-ebook/dp/B004O6MR5C/ref=zg_bs_12290_94
Being a Christian Husband . . . involves being thrown skyward by your super-strong wife.
http://amzn.to/18hBI5g
Christian Ju-Jitsu
Lord, Help Me Love This Hyperactive Child . . . or at least point me to the Scripture that gives me permission to medicate him/her?
http://amzn.to/18hCE9F
Reminds me of cubism.
Ironic Cover Design of the Year? Well, let’s hope the murder is more intelligently designed that the cover. (the pixillation is not from the scan… that is the how the cover actually appears). Bonus: Does this book have one or two subtitles? Double Bonus: Why is a cartoon of Friedrich Nietzsche’s severed head resting on a pixelated mess floating in space?
http://www.amazon.com/Murder-Intelligently-Designed-Mystery-Mysteries/dp/1482518414/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382722589&sr=1-1&keywords=murder+intelligently+designed
How ever he lost his head, it must have been horrifying with the wide-eyes.
Heavenly Cat Tales…Because Even Nine Lives Run Out Eventually!
http://www.amazon.com/Heavenly-Cat-Tales-Devotions-Those/dp/0736946969/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382756029&sr=8-1&keywords=heavenly+cat+tales
I shared this on Facebook, too!
Reminds me of those creepy cat pictures on YouTube.
I’m not sure who this guy is supposed to be. Is he for sale in this sexual marketplace? If so, is there a discount? Why is there a woman touching his shoulder? Why is only her arm visible? Why is it twisted at such a strange angle? Is she having some kind of spasm?
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/350740
This is the most bizzare cover of all and I can think of absolutely nothing to say about it.
Is that the arm of a seductress?
He says in the book that he can’t be seduced. Ergo, he’s objective.
And here is a portion of the author’s description:
“First, I show how Western churches are completely captive to the secular Western mythology of human sexuality. I also point out how Western mythology is false to its own best understanding of reality. Second, I show how even that reality is alien and hostile to Scripture.”
Uh, isn’t your “second” point actually the third?
No. Because even reality is alien and hostile to Scripture. And scripture is truth…
I think this will show the full picture
Because there is nothing that tends to brings us closer to God than drinking strong beer.
http://www.amazon.com/Christianity-Lite-Drinking-Watered-Down-Gospel/dp/1621362264/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382707907&sr=8-1&keywords=christianity+lite
Bonhoffer said something like, “I am a drink and God has a great thirst.”
tastes great and less filling
v
gets me drunk faster and possibly more abusive…
hmmm…
Because how else would you delight in the Trinity?
http://www.amazon.com/Delighting-Trinity-Tim-Chester/dp/1907377336/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382828857&sr=1-2&keywords=delighting+in+the+trinity
Yippee! Yahoo! Trintarian theology! Yippee! Yee-haw! I figured the charismatics would figure out some way to jump around with a theological concept. The guy on the extreme left is the funniest. It looks like he is doing hurdles.
It would have been a lot better w/ one less person in the photo 🙂
By the looks of this gem, there is real hope for lonely, single middle-aged southern baptist men seeking a mail order bride. Yikes. How old is that girl?
http://www.amazon.com/Mail-Order-Millie-Homespun-ebook/dp/B007SAKW9E/ref=sr_1_15?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382845776&sr=1-15
Crabapple is something I was told not to be when I was 10 years old.
If Mail Order Millie is not to your liking: Try Mail Order Margaret!!! And for only one low low price of 19.99 try both.
I didn’t realize Christian-Mail-Order-Bride-Fetish-Novels-Written-By-Ladies was an established Christian genre. Ignorance is bliss?
http://www.amazon.com/Mail-Order-Margaret-Homespun-ebook/dp/B008X12FV0/ref=la_B00695G5LS_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382932047&sr=1-5
Is that by the teacher on The Simpsons?
Thx for making that connection, Ed! You’re a genius!
I guess the inspiration here is that if I pay off my debt, I too can buy a tiara to wear with my everyday clothes?
http://www.amazon.com/Inspiration-Pay-Debt-Encouragement-ebook/dp/B00F6HJDP0/ref=sr_1_48?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382980934&sr=1-48
Seriously, though. Give me a tiara and I’ll be inspired to do just about anything! (But I won’t do THAT…)
Because “kitchen” and “beach” are synonyms, pretty much.
http://www.amazon.com/God-In-The-Kitchen-ebook/dp/B00D06YH5U/ref=sr_1_158?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382981266&sr=1-158
“I know! We’ll rejuvenate that stale cliche ‘Stuck on You’ by sticking a bunch of Christmas bows to a baby hedgehog!”
http://www.amazon.com/God-In-The-Kitchen-ebook/dp/B00D06YH5U/ref=sr_1_158?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382981266&sr=1-158
Which one of these ladies do you suppose is “Princess Naked as a Jaybird” and which is the alcoholic…? #YaYa
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Secrets-Whoopie-Sisters-ebook/dp/B00ELNAAKC/ref=sr_1_55?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382988632&sr=1-55#_
A sign your priest may be WAY too involved in your sex life. #ConfessionalFetish http://www.amazon.com/Sinners-Natural-Family-Planning-ebook/dp/B00FRM6Q72/ref=sr_1_64?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382989068&sr=1-64#_
Image:
If Beverly Lewis, Stephanie Meyer, and L. Ron Hubbard formed a new Inklings group, they probably would have come up with this gem.
http://www.amazon.com/Amish-Vampires-Space-Kerry-Nietz/dp/1940163048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383002166&sr=8-1&keywords=amish+vampires+in+space
Seriously. This entry made my night.
mine too!
This cover doesn’t even need a caption . . .
You have to “look inside” at the cover for book 3. It’s even better!
Actually, I checked. That’s not a cover for book 3. It is a part of the foreword that explains where the concept came from.
Is it the cover you’re knocking here, or the concept? Because it appears it is the concept. I think the cover is quite well done.
The Christian Gentleman’s Smoking Companion: A Calibration of Smoking Cigars and Pipes to the Glory of God – This one uses a cartoon (wearing a photoshopped button) on top of a chair run through some kind of painting filter, but the apparent subject of the book– how should men defend their addictive habit to their wife and kids, and act like they are being righteous while doing it?– was what really brought out the humor for me in this one.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Christian-Gentlemans-Smoking-Companion/dp/0983078351/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383058522&sr=8-1&keywords=a+christian+gentleman%27s+smoking+companion
That dog is creeping me out… and what’s the deal with the chair? The combination of the chair/dog and the title make me feel very uncomfortable…
http://www.amazon.com/Romantic-Mystery-Novella-Merchant-ebook/dp/B00EBGBXQE/ref=sr_1_76?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383076151&sr=1-76
I think the dog freaks you out because you know he ate the person who used to be in that chair.
From the description: “Mari is an Egyptian Mau living by her claws on the fringes of the Judean desert. Yeshua ben Yosef is a man with healing hands, seeking solitude in the wastes beyond Qumran.” Wow… just wow.
http://www.amazon.com/Gospel-According-Yeshuas-Cat-ebook/dp/B00FN9OWHU/ref=sr_1_214?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383076662&sr=1-214