Conversations, VOLUME 6

Worst Christian Book Covers of 2013 – Help us Pick them!

Worst Christian Book Covers

The most popular post on our website over the last year (far and away), was our list of the Worst Christian Book Covers of 2012.

So, we are planning to run a list again this year, but we need your help to make this year’s list better and even funnier!
 
PRIZES!!!
We have a box of 50+ books that we have received for review or that our editor Chris Smith has culled from his own library. (Lots of great stuff! CLICK HERE for the list…).
We will pick a winner from your submissions and he/she will get to choose 5 books from that list (could be valued at $100+ depending on the books chosen).  A second-place winner will get to choose 3 books, and a third place winner will get to choose one book.
 


 

So, here’s how this will work….


 
1) PREPARE:
Take a look at last year’s list for inspiration, then go here to start searching for bad covers.
(LGT: Amazon’s list Christian books released in 2013)
 
GUIDELINES:
– Kindle and Print books are both eligible, though will we limit the number of Kindle ebooks on our final list
– We are the final arbiters of whether any book is “Christian” or not (Generally, if it is in Amazon’s Christian book section, we’ll accept it).
 
2) SUBMIT: 
Using the comments below, here’s what you need to submit:
a) You will get bonus points if you share the link to this contest.  Tell us where you shared it: Twitter, Facebook, Blog, etc.

b) Include a link to Amazon or elsewhere which has a large-ish picture of the cover.

c) Include a BRIEF comment on why you choose this cover (the funnier/snarkier, the better).

d) (OPTIONAL) You can actually include a picture in your comment, by clicking the icon in the bottom left corner. This might help your entry get more votes.

***  You are welcome to submit as many entries as you want, but submit each one as a separate comment.
 
3) VOTE:
Using the up and down arrows on DISQUS, tell us which submissions you like and don’t like (You can only vote once up or down for any submission).
Your votes will play an essential role (but not the only role) in our choosing the winner.
 
The contest will run for 12 days,
and end on MONDAY NOVEMBER 4, 2013 at 11PM PT…

 
Here are a couple of examples of possible worst Christian book covers from this year (these are not contest entries)…
Surely you can find better ones!

 [easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B00F3FNRAC” locale=”us” height=”333″ src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Y6NgVu7KL.jpg” width=”222″]Hmmm… I’m guessing that stabbing is probably not on this list.  [easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B00DGSCNGM” locale=”us” height=”333″ src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41Tmm4NH-sL.jpg” width=”222″]And what exactly makes this cupcake Christian? The lily-white icing?

 
 




C. Christopher Smith is the founding editor of The Englewood Review of Books. He is also author of a number of books, including most recently How the Body of Christ Talks: Recovering the Practice of Conversation in the Church (Brazos Press, 2019). Connect with him online at: C-Christopher-Smith.com

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84 Comments

  1. So many choices! It’s hard to pick–especially from the plethora of Amish romances–but I have settled on this one because of the extra-bad Photoshopping. The original model was not wearing that outfit–her head has been glued to the dress and the bonnet stuck on her head by software magic. Plus the bonnet has magical sparkle power!

    The giant ‘bestseller’ seal and the generic title font do not help.

    http://www.amazon.com/Lancaster-Hearts-Out-Darkness-ebook/dp/B00F9BRVAC/ref=sr_1_35?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382559839&sr=1-35

  2. Okay, so first on the list, what will someday become a Christian classic next to Pilgrim’s Progress, Mere Christianity, and the Left Behind the Kids series is “Exo-Vaticana: Petrus Romanus, Project LUCIFER, and the Vatican’s Astonishing Exo-Theological Plan for the Arrival of an Alien Savior.” You can order this on kindle, paperback, or if you contact the publisher, can have it beamed directly into your brain. Is this the cover of the new Independence Day sequel? Nope, it’s your new favorite book.

  3. here is a good little read about love on the battlefield. http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/oversize?sku=260403

  4. Look, there’s faith, then there’s learning why face first into a pool isn’t the best idea in the world.

  5. Being a Christian Husband . . . involves being thrown skyward by your super-strong wife.

    http://amzn.to/18hBI5g

  6. Lord, Help Me Love This Hyperactive Child . . . or at least point me to the Scripture that gives me permission to medicate him/her?

    http://amzn.to/18hCE9F

  7. Ironic Cover Design of the Year? Well, let’s hope the murder is more intelligently designed that the cover. (the pixillation is not from the scan… that is the how the cover actually appears). Bonus: Does this book have one or two subtitles? Double Bonus: Why is a cartoon of Friedrich Nietzsche’s severed head resting on a pixelated mess floating in space?

    http://www.amazon.com/Murder-Intelligently-Designed-Mystery-Mysteries/dp/1482518414/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382722589&sr=1-1&keywords=murder+intelligently+designed

  8. I’m not sure who this guy is supposed to be. Is he for sale in this sexual marketplace? If so, is there a discount? Why is there a woman touching his shoulder? Why is only her arm visible? Why is it twisted at such a strange angle? Is she having some kind of spasm?

    http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/350740

    • Yippee! Yahoo! Trintarian theology! Yippee! Yee-haw! I figured the charismatics would figure out some way to jump around with a theological concept. The guy on the extreme left is the funniest. It looks like he is doing hurdles.

    • It would have been a lot better w/ one less person in the photo 🙂

  9. By the looks of this gem, there is real hope for lonely, single middle-aged southern baptist men seeking a mail order bride. Yikes. How old is that girl?

    http://www.amazon.com/Mail-Order-Millie-Homespun-ebook/dp/B007SAKW9E/ref=sr_1_15?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382845776&sr=1-15

  10. If Mail Order Millie is not to your liking: Try Mail Order Margaret!!! And for only one low low price of 19.99 try both.

    I didn’t realize Christian-Mail-Order-Bride-Fetish-Novels-Written-By-Ladies was an established Christian genre. Ignorance is bliss?

    http://www.amazon.com/Mail-Order-Margaret-Homespun-ebook/dp/B008X12FV0/ref=la_B00695G5LS_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382932047&sr=1-5

  11. I guess the inspiration here is that if I pay off my debt, I too can buy a tiara to wear with my everyday clothes?
    http://www.amazon.com/Inspiration-Pay-Debt-Encouragement-ebook/dp/B00F6HJDP0/ref=sr_1_48?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382980934&sr=1-48

    • Seriously, though. Give me a tiara and I’ll be inspired to do just about anything! (But I won’t do THAT…)

  12. “I know! We’ll rejuvenate that stale cliche ‘Stuck on You’ by sticking a bunch of Christmas bows to a baby hedgehog!”
    http://www.amazon.com/God-In-The-Kitchen-ebook/dp/B00D06YH5U/ref=sr_1_158?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382981266&sr=1-158

  13. Which one of these ladies do you suppose is “Princess Naked as a Jaybird” and which is the alcoholic…? #YaYa
    http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Secrets-Whoopie-Sisters-ebook/dp/B00ELNAAKC/ref=sr_1_55?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382988632&sr=1-55#_

  14. If Beverly Lewis, Stephanie Meyer, and L. Ron Hubbard formed a new Inklings group, they probably would have come up with this gem.

    http://www.amazon.com/Amish-Vampires-Space-Kerry-Nietz/dp/1940163048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383002166&sr=8-1&keywords=amish+vampires+in+space

  15. The Christian Gentleman’s Smoking Companion: A Calibration of Smoking Cigars and Pipes to the Glory of God – This one uses a cartoon (wearing a photoshopped button) on top of a chair run through some kind of painting filter, but the apparent subject of the book– how should men defend their addictive habit to their wife and kids, and act like they are being righteous while doing it?– was what really brought out the humor for me in this one.
    http://www.amazon.com/The-Christian-Gentlemans-Smoking-Companion/dp/0983078351/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383058522&sr=8-1&keywords=a+christian+gentleman%27s+smoking+companion

  16. That dog is creeping me out… and what’s the deal with the chair? The combination of the chair/dog and the title make me feel very uncomfortable…

    http://www.amazon.com/Romantic-Mystery-Novella-Merchant-ebook/dp/B00EBGBXQE/ref=sr_1_76?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383076151&sr=1-76

    • Kristy Ezinga Quist

      I think the dog freaks you out because you know he ate the person who used to be in that chair.

  17. From the description: “Mari is an Egyptian Mau living by her claws on the fringes of the Judean desert. Yeshua ben Yosef is a man with healing hands, seeking solitude in the wastes beyond Qumran.” Wow… just wow.

    http://www.amazon.com/Gospel-According-Yeshuas-Cat-ebook/dp/B00FN9OWHU/ref=sr_1_214?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383076662&sr=1-214