Embracing the Discomfort of Growth
A Review of
Better than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life
MaryAnn McKibben Dana
Paperback: Eerdmans, 2026
Buy Now: [ BookShop ] [ Amazon ] [ Kindle ] [ Audible ]
Reviewed by Damaris Zehner
I was hesitant to read Better than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life by MaryAnn McKibben Dana. I was afraid it might be another scolding for how everyone falls short in accepting diversity – deserved, perhaps, but exhausting. Instead, it presents a nuanced and helpful look at how norms are created and upheld and extends charity rather than judgment in encouraging us to develop new virtues.
Our views of “normal” shape how we expect our schools, jobs, churches, bodies, food, race, gender, neurology, beauty, and politics to be. Many of us will never fit into the norm of achieving success in school and work, of belonging to the majority race or ethnicity, or of having a mind or body that enables us to fit in. Dana claims that the problem is more societal than individual, but that we prefer to blame people rather than systems. For example, when some students can’t learn in a standard classroom or when some workers can’t make enough money to support themselves, she says, “Rather than wonder what’s wrong systemically, we put the responsibility on the individual: If you’re stressed, it’s your fault, and capitalism will happily sell you the cure” (13). Although the problem may be largely societal, Dana looks to individuals – us – to create the solution.
She uses the mental health challenges her family has faced and her experience as a pastor to give flesh to her points, as well as insights into Bible passages, such as the psalms (15-16), the understanding of the Sabbath (53-54), and the seven last sayings of Christ (79-80), among others. Her book is organized around six expectations that people cling to for affirmation that they are “normal.” These six expectations, when held mindlessly, encourage us to demonize anyone or anything different. Dana then juxtaposes six virtues that are better aligned with Christian life.
The first two “normal” expectations she lists are certainty and comfort. We want to be certain in an uncertain world, to protect our sense of comfort. It’s why we look for proof that victims of accidents or crimes did something wrong, for example; people and events outside the norm threaten our desire for certainty. But Dana invites us to develop curiosity and courage as antidotes to our fear of a world outside our control. Her enjoyment of alliteration may have prevented her from using the word “faith” as the desired virtue, but she makes clear that’s what she means. We can’t count on comfort or control, but we can count on the goodness of God.
Two other dysfunctional mindsets Dana addresses are productivity and competition. If productivity is the test of worth, then those who cannot be productive because of personal or systemic disadvantage have no worth. This conviction promotes competition, to prove we are productive and therefore worthy; and since competition presumes a zero-sum universe, if I am worthy, then others must not be. Dana offers the contrasting virtues of presence, or accepting the vulnerability of being rather than doing, and community.
The final two issues Dana discusses are artifice and blandness. She believes we create false selves to convince the world – and ourselves – that we are normal as our society defines it. The resulting blandness of standardized looks, behaviors, and personalities falls far short of the infinite variety that God has created. The opposing virtues are authenticity and beauty, embracing the quirky individuality of people – including ourselves – and our world.
While I was delighted not to be scolded, nevertheless the book still challenged me to push through my definition of what is normal and what is valuable. Dana quotes a church pastor saying of his congregation that “they should expect to be about 75 percent comfortable about their church experience” (34): he and Dana believe that we should embrace the discomfort of growth in inclusivity and charity, uncertainty and community. This book hit that same sweet spot with me: three-fourths of it had me nodding and cheering, but one-fourth made me pull back and say, “Whoa! That’s far enough!” Those uncomfortable issues are exactly the ones challenging me to develop virtues for an off-script life.
Finally, “A world beyond ‘normal’ means way fewer gold standards and defaults. We need to think more expansively about what it actually looks like to succeed. This reimagining will take creativity and nuance, to give people opportunities to shine and show their mettle, based on their own unique skills, backgrounds, and, yes, limitations. To force folks onto the acceptable path, or relegate them to a path we’ve labeled less-than, serves no one” (113).
Damaris Zehner
Damaris Zehner is an essayist, poet, and teacher of composition, rhetoric, literature, and ESL. She has worked as a Peace Corps volunteer and missionary in Africa, Asia, and the Caribbean, as well as in the United States. She lives in Indiana.
 Reading for the Common Good From ERB Editor Christopher Smith "This book will inspire, motivate and challenge anyone who cares a whit about the written word, the world of ideas, the shape of our communities and the life of the church." -Karen Swallow Prior Enter your email below to sign up for our weekly newsletter & download your FREE copy of this ebook! |
Understanding Christian Nationalism [A Reading Guide] |
 Most Anticipated Books of the Fall for Christian Readers!
|
 Hilarious One-Star Customer Reviews of Bibles |
